That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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