he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I understand Curling. That high.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize