i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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