you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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