So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
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