Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
