I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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