She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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