: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
