First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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