apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
