They should really pass out barf bags in church
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
