I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
