I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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