I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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