You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
