I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
