I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
