He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
