We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
