I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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