I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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