I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Everything about him screamed your future.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Operation Purity has been aborted
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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