my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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