I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
