i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
