What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
