THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
