Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
