his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
two words...techno handjob
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
