i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize