She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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