Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
