He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
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