I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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