Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
