Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
