apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
