i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
