I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
