dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
