Moan for me like Helen Keller
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Randomize
