I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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