So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
