i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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