Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize