i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
