I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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