What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
