In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
