I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
