How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
