I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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