From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
