Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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