I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
