you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
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I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Im part way to drunk.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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