is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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