If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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