my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
