i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
