That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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