he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I fill condoms, not promises.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
