Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
