If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
