What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
