I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
