Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
